Wanting What We Don’t Have: Wisdom from a Six-Year-Old

I’ve been trying this year to be more present with my children. This is often much easier said than done, as I’ve found that even when I am “present,” I can often be internally stressing about other things that I need to get done. I have been trying to spend a healthy portion of each weekend just being present with my kids (three boys, ages six, four, and two) by interacting with them on an activity they choose. Yesterday, this meant playing games with them outside. In handling the dynamics between the three, I unexpectedly gained some wisdom from my six-year-old.

My eldest son was craving one-on-one attention. While the younger two boys were riding bikes, he decided that he and I should play (a safe version of) lawn darts. We set up the game and played about two rounds before my two younger sons came over, wanting to join us as well. The two-year-old immediately ran out into the game, picking up the darts and throwing them everywhere, much to the eldest son’s distress. To diffuse the situation, I showed the younger two how to play and suggested to the oldest that he and I play horseshoes instead. After setting up the game and playing about two rounds again, the younger two came and wanted to play what we had instead. My six-year-old said, “Mom, why do they just want what we have and not what they already have? They need to learn to be happy with what they are doing.” This unexpected insight hit me like a ton of bricks.

While I am no stranger to the concept of mimetic desire in small children (often exaggerated by my two-year-old only wanting the toys his brothers currently have), it’s easy to ignore these tendencies in myself. How often do I fall prey to coveting what others have and lose sight of my beautiful blessings in my own life? I am guilty of not “playing my own game,” and have probably at times looked like the toddler chasing his brothers around because he doesn’t want to miss out. All the while, he grows frustrated and does not enjoy anything he attains. It was impossible to miss the metaphor. What have I been chasing because it looks fun from the outside? I don’t want to look back in ten years and realize that I didn’t enjoy my precious time with my children because I was constantly focused on what was next or the lives that others had rather than my own. Intentional living is not just about being present at the moment; it’s about seeing what you have with gratitude and contentment.